Sarah

I AM THE STAGE MANAGER OF....










THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES!!!




Here at Purchase March 3rd, 4th, and 5th.

I have this little voice in my head... he likes to jump up and down and remind me of things.
his latest reminder is that i only have to wait 3 days to see my boyfriend.
i like this voice lately he's very nice.
he likes to talk about penguins and bunnies he's a chipper little sprit.





no i am not nuts.... well yes I am but didn't you all know that already?

 

 

( The Purchase College Experience )

I ATE BIG PICKLE TODAY AND IT WAS WONDERFUL!

 

( (I mean) )
</font>

1. I miss somebody right now
--> 2. I don't watch much TV these days
--> 3. I love olives
--> 4. I love sleeping
--> 5. I own lots of books
--> 6. I wear glasses or contact lenses
--> 7. I love to play video games
--> 8. I've tried marijuana
--> 9. I've watched porn movies
--> 10. I have been in a threesome
--> 11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
--> 12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
--> 13. I have acne free skin - most of the time
--> 14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
--> 15. I curse frequently... i have  truckdrivers mouth
--> 16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
--> 17. I have a hobby
--> 18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing. - you damn right baby!!!
--> 19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
--> 20. I'm really, really smart
--> 21. I've never broken someone's bones
--> 22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
--> 23. I hate the rain
--> 24. I'm paranoid
--> 25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scars times
--> 26. I need money right now!
--> 27. I love Sushi
--> 28. I talk really, really fast ..sometimes
--> 29. I have fresh breath in the morning
--> 30. I have long hair
--> 31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
--> 32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
--> 33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
--> 34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
--> 35. I have a twin
--> 36. I have worn fake hair/nails/eyelashes in the past
--> 37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
--> 38. I like the way that I look sometimes
--> 39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
--> 40. I know how to do cornrows
--> 41. I am usually pessimistic
--> 42. I have a lot of mood swings
--> 43. I think prostitution should be legalized
--> 44. I think Britney Spears is hot
--> 45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
--> 46. I have a hidden talent
--> 47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
--> 48. I think that I'm popular
--> 49. I am currently single
--> 50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
--> 51. I enjoy talking on the phone
--> 52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
--> 53. I love to shop.
--> 54. I would rather shop than eat
--> 55. I would classify myself as ghetto
--> 57. I'm obsessed with my Livejournal
--> 58. I don't hate anyone
--> 59. I'm a pretty good dancer
--> 60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington???? (WTF???)
--> 61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
--> 62. I have a cell phone
--> 63. I believe in God
--> 64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
--> 65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
--> 66. I love drama
--> 67. I have never been in a real relationship before
--> 68. I've rejected someone before
--> 69. I currently have a crush on someone ( If you can still have a crush on someone you love...)
--> 70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
--> 71. I want to have children in the future
--> 72. I have changed a diaper before
--> 73. I've called the cops on a friend before
--> 74. I bite my nails
--> 75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
--> 76. I'm not allergic to anything
--> 77. I have a lot to learn
--> 78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
--> 79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
--> 80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
--> 81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
--> 83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before
--> 84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past
--> 85. I own the "South Park" movie
--> 86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal
--> 87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
--> 88. I enjoy some country music
--> 89. I would die for my best friends
--> 90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
--> 91. I watch soap operas Whenever I can
--> 92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
--> 93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
--> 94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
--> 95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
--> 96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
--> 97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
--> 98. I have dated a close friend's ex
--> 99. I own a car
--> 100. I'm happy as of this moment</p>

 

I am at this moment procrastinating a 5 page paper... i just don't want to do it

there was a fire alarm pulled in the dorms at 3am... i hate that...

 

That's my suitemate Tianna and my roomate Brianna.

 

I LOVE THIS PICTURE SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!

That's Chris (Jimmy's Roomate)

 

 

Until now... as soon as the people started to leave.
as soon as ryan started crying last night or russ and chris started the old have-sarah-chase-us-around-the-house game. I didn't really realize it was over....

BUT IT'S NOT OVER!
I leave for school tomorrow but my life here will never be over... it will always live in my heart.

Sometimes I don't understand why things have to hurt so fucking much.

I spent the night with all the people i love the most and i'm fucking glad. there is nothing that can take that away from me.

Thank you for making my life worth living.
Thank you for making it that much more interesting.
Thank you for keeping me grounded
Thank you for knowing my limitations.
Thank you for loving me and my endless quirks.

For all those things i will love you all forever.

There is nothing else i can say except that my happiest day was last night. I slept in a bed with my boyfriend next to me and my best friend on the other side and a boorag of amazing friends either on the air mattress on the floor or in the other room.

I'm not even made about there 4 am swim or the fact that i got like 4 hours of good sleep. NO matter what YESTERDAY WAS THE BEST DAY AND NIGHT EVER!! and yet it was the saddest.

So I leave tomorrow and if you want tosay goodbye either say it here or find me today or in the morning.

I love you all...

My next entry will be from PURCHASE COLLEGE!!

I've been in a sort of funk lately...
I'm not sure if it's mood swings or hormones or too much tension. I've been getting so paranoid it's sickening. I cry at the weirdest points in time, i feel like screaming all the time, and i dunno what to do about it.
No matter what i think things will turn out alright but for now what can i do?
I'm desperatly in love with Jim and i'm pretty sure he feels the same way but there are days when i get to the paranoid state of things and think why would he feel that way for me what do i have to offer him? Why does he love me? and then i also think... maybe he doesn't, maybe he's bored, maybe he just feels obligated to me because we've been through so much together. I'm am emencely thankful that i have him... i'm in love for the first time in my life and i'm ecstatic that he's my first love.And to boot his mother called me by his ex's name the other day... i just sat there in shock. I didn't know what to say or what to do i just started breathing really heavily and then started spacing out in a paranoid fit. but i get paranoid, about stupid shit like the fact that i'm not his first love, that there's nothing left for me to give him of my self and that he always seems so fucking bored. my sister says that he's not. he says he's just comfortable. i feel like an ass.

Then theres the fact that i leave for school in 5 days. i'm scared that i'm not going to like my roomate or she won't like me. i'm afraid that my suitemates will be bitches. i'm so fucking scared of everything. my mom and i started packing everything tonight and all i kept thinking is... no matter how much i say i hate her i'll miss her. but more then my mother i will miss Ashley and Russ and Chris and Brett and Jimmy and Andrew and Jeff and Ryan and Catie and Crystal and James Pea.

My Dad yelled at me tonight because i said something about visiting Jimmy at Penn State.. "I'M GOING TO VISIT MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND, DID YOU EXPECT ME TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN" He's such a fucking ass.

Paranoia's a bitch.

So i took this quiz because ash said to and well.... I kind of thought what are the chances i'll actually get the right one... well...




LOOK AT THAT!

West side story ended tonight.

It was a good run....but it's sad that there was no family atmosphere... I don't think I've ever been involved in a show where there was such a lack of respect and love for your fellow actors.

Today was an awesome day and I'm glad that my first real stint into Stage manageing...was this. (although I really don't want to ever do it again)

I'm going to college in 10 days... that's kind of scary.

Why do bad days have top keep on dragging...on and on and on and on...? I don't really want to explain....

 

finally found out who my roomate is... Her name is Brianne and I haven't talked to her yet but from the message she left on my cell phone she sounds nice Ithink i'll call her tomorrow...

 

I had my first fight with jimmy tonight... that was terrible.

 

I think I'll copy james' survey and do it too..

Friends

Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: Well, Considering I'm a fag hag...Yes

Who is your best friend?: Ashley and Russ

Who's the one person that knows most about you?: Galit

What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: People are just a bunch of fuckers

Your favorite inside joke?: Paying Rent

Thing you're picked on most about?: Being a Jew...haha

Who's your longest known friend?: Russ, Chris, Cass, Andrew

Newest?: James, Catie, Jen, Jeff, Crystal

Shyest?: Shy? What's that?

Funniest?: Andrew

Sweetest?: Catie

Closest?: Ash

Weirdest?: Russ

Smartest?: Ash

Ditziest?: Ash

Friend you miss being close to: Chris

Last person you talked to online?: Jimmy

Who do you talk to most online?: Jeff

Who are you on the phone with most?: Jimmy

Who do you trust most?: Ash, Jim, Andrew, My little Brothers (Aka. Brett and Jeff) 

Who listens to your problems?: Ash (when she's not spacing out)and Galit

Who do you fight most with?: Chris

Who's the nicest?: Jen

Who's the most outgoing?: Brett

Who's the best singer?: can't say with out offending...

Who's on your shit-list?: The world

Who's your second family?: The Straws

Do you always feel understood?: That's a laugh riot

Who's the loudest friend?: Ryan

Do you trust others easily?: No!

Who's house were you last at?: Jimmy's

Name one person who's arms you feel safe in.: Jimmy... and Ash (lol)

 Do your friends know you?: To a point

Friend that lives farthest away:: Galit

I have the weirdest life EVER...


Friday morning at exactly 10 o'clock i willbe on Creative Ministries Stage Playing a role in Popey the Sailor....I play Polly and I just got the part yesterday...


Sunday night I will be setting the stage for the opening night of the teen production of West Side Story...

I'm so fucking excited... Come and see it... either... or both that would be cool....

There are so many times that i have been so depressed that i would just lie in my bed for days not feeling anything. I'll admit it i am not in that state right now.

I am however very upset with how life is going for me right now... I don't know how to deal with the constant lonelyness i feel... i used to be able to hide it under work... but now i don't have work to hide it under...

I will never understand why this world ruins me... i was happy i was excited about everything... and then i had a couple of really bad days... and some things where told to me that i didn't like... and didn't deserve.

I'm sorry... i never meant to hurt you... and that's to anyone and everyone who reads this and thinks i'm a bitch or whatever...


i am a bitch... but i think it's mainly because i stopped caring a long time ago...

i hate my home life: my mom's a manic depressive, hides in her on little corner and tries to not notice things kind of women and my father is a self centered bastard who mentally and emotionally abuses his children because he can and my sister, my only real source of sanity in this house, lives in fucking florida.

I am happily in love with a wonderful boy who treats me like i dropped from heaven and just happened to grace his life... but we're going to college in less then 3 weeks and i don't know if it'll last.

i have the best friends in the whole entire world... but i feel like i'm becoming that girl they're happy to get rid of.

I have the most amazingly, beautiful creature for a best friend... but i feel like she hates me... I'm sorry ... i will never stop loving you.

I have a job that pays nothing but the satisfaction you get when that first curtain opens and closes after a great show. Yet i have a really mean boss who seems to hate me everytime i walk into the room... and there are so many dumb little kids that i just want to kick in the face...lol.

i have so many past relationships with friends that have fallen apart so easily please don't make me feel like no matter what i do it'll just fuck me over in the end

I don't mean to be a piece of shit or a burden on anyone's life... please help me out here.

In exactly a month and a day from now i will be in college.
the summer will be over (how ever sad that is)
There is nothing i can do to change that.
it's such a sad thought...
i don't want the summer to end.
this really has been the most amazing summer ever...
i hope never to forget it.
for the first time in my life i'm in love and am loved.
i spend my days and nights thinking of him.
but unfortunately... that has to end in a month and a half...
is it bad that that really hurts?
I have never felt like i had reason for wanting to go back in time... just for a look, for a touch.
there's nothing i can do but go on.

Whom do you admire the most?	Galit and Ashley
What do you like best about your life?	The future
What was your most enjoyable dream?	well.... wouldn't you like to know?
Do you accecpt help when you need it?	yes
When did you last yell at someone?	today... at brett
Can you urinate infront of another person?	no
What is your most treasured memory?	PTG awards
Which sex do you think has it easier in our culture?	men
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?	those who love me
How do you picture your funeral?	fun... you know for all of those who hate me you get to celebrate...lol... but i would want celebration not sadness
Have you ever considered suicide?	no
How old were you when you first had sex?	18
For $100,000, would you be willing to never see or talk to your best friend?	Fuck the money!
Would you like your spouse to be more attractive than you?	i don't really mind either way
If you could choose the manner of your death, what would it be?	In my sleep at a very old age
What are your long~term goals?	TO BE A DIRECTOR EVEN IF I KILLS ME
When did you last sing to yourself?	in the shower an hour ago
Are your close friends older or younger than you?	both
Have you ever hated anyone?	YES
Are there people you ency enough to want to trade lives with them?	not right now i have had that feeling before but now i'm really happy
What do you hate most about yourself?	my tummy
What do you dream of becoming?	A FUCKING DIRECTOR... and a good person
Does being with one person for the rest of your life scare you?	not in the least as long as it's no where near my parents
Which is more valuable: a friendship or a relationship?	friendship
Do you believe in fate?	yes
Do you prefer being around men or women?	gay men.. so wait does that mean women?
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?	patience
Do you prefer talking or listening?	both
Do you think the world will be a better or worse place in 100 years?	depends on how life moves now
Would you die for someone you love?	in a heartbeat
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Current Mood: drained

Each person in my life has taught me soo much and with that i have a new list....

The-what-you-taught-me-list-that-keeps-on-going:

Ashley: Taught me Face every day with a smile and a little bit of dignigty.
Galit: Taught me everything she knows
Russ: Taught me how to unconditionally love
Chris: Taught me that there is nothing wrong with being modest
Jimmy: Taught me how to be in love for the first time
Cass: Taught me that there is beauty in everything
Brett: Taught me how to be a big sister
Lauren: Taught me how to have compassion
Ryan Smith ( yeah even he taught me something): Taught me never to give in
Allen: Taught me that I need patience
Ry- Bunny: Taught me how to be in love without any unnecessary sexual tension.
Andrew: Taught me that you can never have to many homosexuals in your life.... or crotch.
Kayleigh: Taught me that you can never know to much

hey there are people i'm sure i missed tell me who you are... that is if you love me...:)

There are no words to describe this day...

i was having this mini argument with myself...in my head about whether to do my usual.. write a list of the amazing moments thing... and you know what i don't really think i can't i don't know how else to write these things without a list.... so here it comes:

-- went to Lauren's Grad Party... left at 4 with Ash
-- drove past Jimmy on my way to drop off Ash at home, as he was on his way to my house
-- blasted Zak and Sara in my car as i drove home from Ash's
-- layed in my bed fully clothed but under the covers with Jimmy... and cried, because i do that sometimes
-- iced a cake (chocolate with vanilla icing)
-- got a voicemail from brett on chris' phone saying... "ahhhhhhhhh...beep, beep" {a la road runner}
-- went to the mall just to eat some food and leave
-- watched Brett, Chris and Jimmy have fun in the pool
-- he told me he loves me ( at least 20 times) :)
-- layed on a couch with the most amazing boyfriend ever
-- went to applebee's with chris, russ, val, sarah t., and ashley b.
-- watched as sarah and ashley ran around sarah's car at every red light
-- went to pathmark
-- bought my first ever scratch off ticket (and lost)
-- had fun with great people
-- told him I love him... and i really do...but that's so god damned sad.


Done for now!

I ate a beef stick today!

I thought i heard my cell phone ring before... i ran to the other room thinking who could that be at this time at night... it hadn't rang.
There have been so many things that make me think about the future lately... college in less then 2 months... jimmy and all his wonderfulness... Cass and Russ's raids....a beach outing for the record books... russel and ashley and feeling like they will be the only ones to miss me...

Cass and Russ at my house the other day felt like old times. I have missed they're inpromtu raids on me it used to be almost everyday after school that they would just show up and we'd sit or drive to starbucks or the mall. The three of us... we just click like there's nothing different about any of us... we have the most unique friendship the kind that you can literally go for months without taking to each other and then one day they'll just show up out of the blue for a raid. Every moment with these two people is a great memory whether it be talking about oral sex in starbucks or he/she's in my kitchen it's an adventure.

Then there was the day at the beach with Ashley, Ryan, and Jimmy. We four are really the most unlikely bunch yet we had the best time ever... I have never fully experienced such a trip and i hope to experience it more often or at least one more time this summer. I got sand EVERYWHERE, walk along a beach holding my best friends hand in my right and my boyfriends in the left, I got pushed so hard by a wave that i scraped up me knee to the point of blood, i got the worst sunburn ever and i had the time of my life. all because i was with the best people, the most unusual bunch had a great day.

The rest of the day was basically spent with Ashley, our trip to wendy's and starbucks on ten dollars, the rehearsal that was highly unnecessary and the fact that all i wanted to do was be around her more.

but then there's jimmy. what really is there to say about him? He makes me happy and no matter what happens in the future at least i have the memory of that. I feel weird writing this because i know he'll read it... so maybe i'll just leave it all at that, happiness.

I don't know how to look to the future with out far. I'm afraid of losing all that i have work soo hard for. I am afraid. I keep thinking that college will be great because well i get away from home away from the constant annoyance that is this house. But secretly, i'm afraid... not of leaving so much as having all my loves ripped away. I have this hope that i will go away and somehow everything will just be waiting for me when i get back... i knwo it's not a possible outcome but it's a hope and damnit i'm allowed to hope once in a while i'm not that much of a pessimist.

So for now i'll just live.

Just allow the future to be the future and live in the present, the now.

I'll let the rod to my future be paved as i go and not ahead of me.

Here's to the future, let it stay THE FUTURE... for now.

I've been sitting here for about ten minutes just pondering everything...

I keep reading back entries that I've written and comments left and I just wanted to say one thing in this entry....

 

 

I'M SO GOD DAMNED HAPPY RIGHT NOW !!!!!!

 

 

and it's the most wonderful feeling EVER!

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	delicious
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	burn into my heart
Your touch is...	the only thing I desire
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	entrancing
Your love is...	unique
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

 

Fits don't you think?

 

Haven't had anything spectacular... well nothing extreme to the point of having to write about

 

Hahaha... my sister's standing behind me saying "I feel sooo stoned.... i'm standing here holding the door and i don't know what to do.... i'm waiting for the little green man.. my eyes are green... look at this.... have you ever noticed that?....your a bitch..."and now she's dying laughing on my shoulder... she fucking stands there just crying lauging...i'm like what the fuck are you and she's like i'm fucking stoned...

 

She took ONE pain pill...

just a little insert of the past few days...

This has been a weird 2 weeks....

I have so much that just doesn't want to stick... so much that i just can't figure out...

 

Here are the things I can figure out:

I hate my parents...

I hate when people take pictures of me and then they end up really horrible...

I'm a strong person...

Plays...

How to fix things...

Dreams...

I DO hold a grudge...

There are times when I feel like a crack-head (Mostly when I'm with Jimmy)...

I can be a bitch if it's asked for (verbally or bodily)...

That when there is nothing to say it's not a good situation to be in...

I DO NOT LIE...

I have no respect for dumb people...

I don't like people who smoke (but I won't not befriend them because of it)...

I'm not a cheese person...

People frustrate me...ALOT...

I hate this house...

I like Jimmy...alot...

I'm Happy right now...

This summer WILL be great...